Mom Against Abstinence
Mom against "abstinence" here.
I think "abstinence until marriage, faithfulness afterward", far from being "the only 100% safe approach", is a proven formula for disaster.
As far as I can tell, "abstinence" in this sense includes never having any orgasm-related contact with another human being before marriage. That is, it encourages ignorance, clumsiness, and lack of knowledge of self and others. For women in particular, this means that they are much more likely to find marital sex unsatisfying, as neither half of the sketch has enough hands-on knowledge of female sexual response to get her where she wants to go. Unsatisfying marital sex is a Bad Thing, not least because it leads to more divorces, a Really Bad Thing.
Abstinence-until-marriage also naturally leads to earlier marriages, as young people get married so they can legitimately have sex. Early marriages lead to more divorces, which, again, a Really Bad Thing.
Abstinence-until-marriage also encourages the mindset in which certain behaviors are labelled "sex" by adults, and so teenagers indulge in other behaviors because they "don't count", but without taking appropriate precautions either medically or emotionally.
For instance, oral sex is a *really* effective contraceptive, but there are still disease risks -- which is why teenagers could stand to learn about flavored condoms -- and it has emotional/relationship risks if it doesn't go both ways, if it just becomes a power trip. Exploitative sex is also a Really Bad Thing.
One of the worst things about "abstinence until marriage, faithfulness afterward" as an educational program is that it is so patently hypocritical. Kids aren't stupid -- they look around at the behavior of the adults they know and the ones depicted in movies, TV, and ads, and they will infallibly conclude that AUMFA is not standard, normal adult behavior. "Do as I say, not as I do" is a Bad Thing, because it leads kids to assume adults are always lying, even when we say "don't mix downers and alcohol" or "don't drive 70 on that twisting road". And those are Really, Really Bad Things.
AUMFA makes adults feel good, but it is a disservice to young people on multiple levels, and I'm against it.
I think "abstinence until marriage, faithfulness afterward", far from being "the only 100% safe approach", is a proven formula for disaster.
As far as I can tell, "abstinence" in this sense includes never having any orgasm-related contact with another human being before marriage. That is, it encourages ignorance, clumsiness, and lack of knowledge of self and others. For women in particular, this means that they are much more likely to find marital sex unsatisfying, as neither half of the sketch has enough hands-on knowledge of female sexual response to get her where she wants to go. Unsatisfying marital sex is a Bad Thing, not least because it leads to more divorces, a Really Bad Thing.
Abstinence-until-marriage also naturally leads to earlier marriages, as young people get married so they can legitimately have sex. Early marriages lead to more divorces, which, again, a Really Bad Thing.
Abstinence-until-marriage also encourages the mindset in which certain behaviors are labelled "sex" by adults, and so teenagers indulge in other behaviors because they "don't count", but without taking appropriate precautions either medically or emotionally.
For instance, oral sex is a *really* effective contraceptive, but there are still disease risks -- which is why teenagers could stand to learn about flavored condoms -- and it has emotional/relationship risks if it doesn't go both ways, if it just becomes a power trip. Exploitative sex is also a Really Bad Thing.
One of the worst things about "abstinence until marriage, faithfulness afterward" as an educational program is that it is so patently hypocritical. Kids aren't stupid -- they look around at the behavior of the adults they know and the ones depicted in movies, TV, and ads, and they will infallibly conclude that AUMFA is not standard, normal adult behavior. "Do as I say, not as I do" is a Bad Thing, because it leads kids to assume adults are always lying, even when we say "don't mix downers and alcohol" or "don't drive 70 on that twisting road". And those are Really, Really Bad Things.
AUMFA makes adults feel good, but it is a disservice to young people on multiple levels, and I'm against it.
posted by Doctor Science at
6:19 PM
9 Comments:
Yes!!! I am a Granny Against Abstinence. It is bad for all the reasons you list, plus the fact that it results, for those teens who intend to practice it but can't, in higher teen pregnancy rates, more abortions, more divorce because of even more early marriages, and more STDs. Trying to control women's bodies by denying teens knowledge to make informed decisions is just bad, bad, bad.
By
Maya's Granny, at 4:57 PM
which is why teenagers could stand to learn about flavored condoms
And how to turn a condom into a dental dam (slice up the length and then round 207 degrees of the top - rolls out into a little sheet with a thumb hook - diagram here - http://www.projectkooky.com/erika/comics/girlfuck/cover.htm )
And about extra safe condoms for anal.
By
Anonymous, at 8:29 AM
have your researched anything? there was not a single statistic. There were no research studies quoted.
I believe that those who advocate abstinence don't just mean actual sexual intercourse. it also excludes oral sex or anything that would lead toward sharing of bodily fluids. Those who practice abstinence before marriage are not going to be dissappointed or unsatified. They have never known any different. Sex will be a beautiful thing for them because it is with the one person they love. Those who practice abstinence in the way it was intended do not get married to have sex. They get married because of love, because of willingness to commit, and friendship. By practicing abstinence girls are not have the control of their own bodies taken away from them. The opposite is true. When you have herpes and are HIV positive, is it then that you are "informed" about your decision??? Yes, Divorce is "a very bad thing". But statistic AND research show that those who practice absitinence are less likely to divorce that do not. check your facts. don't be responsible for the emotional hurt that those going through abortions, STD's and teenage pregnancies face.
By
Anonymous, at 7:45 PM
You didn't post any statistics either, so....
By
Anonymous, at 6:29 PM
Anonymous, I can testify to her blog with my own parents marriage. My mom saved it..... And got ripped off by an abusive sexually frustrated *insert appropriate swearword here* who ended up taking his sexual frustrations out on me. But then again that is an extreme.
I know a lot of married couples. Some stayed together some didnt. But suprise suprise, the ones that stayed together and had marriages of mutual love and respect are the ones that had premarital sex and two had kids outside of wedlock. One was unplanned (a friend) the other was planned and attended his parents wedding at two and grew up to be an amazingly faithful loyal boyfriend who I am lucky to be with.
Abstinence can hurt bad. It can trap you in dissatisfaction and loneliness, you see your friends having children yet you had to spend your honeymoon running from your husband (moms testimony)
I wonder why we are always told "oh abstinemce will lead to true love etc." Not always. Why are we never told the negative emotional consequences of abstinence nowadays? Its always glamorized as an ideal. An ideal that can turn out pitifully hollow, when you find yourself in a loveless marraige.
By
Anonymous, at 7:26 PM
I think abstienece is better because I'm not going to catch all those diseases most people have. Andd condoms do not work most of the time because the pores in the condoms are like 50 times larger than the disease causing agents. I am female and rather be safe than sorry. plus whats so good about it?
By
HHHHH, at 10:46 AM
I think single parents and single adults should practice abstinence as well. This way the teenagers can't say that we are liers. Also Doctor Science sex can cause many emotional stress and as adults we can't handle them so what makes you think think that teens can. I believe abstinence should be practice by all unmarried adults and teens for safey issues and emotionl issues too. Having sex can be bad or good, but if your focus on the right reason its for married couples to help keep the world populated. Not to spread diseases and unwanted pregnancies that leads to abortions.
By
Anonymous, at 12:28 PM
I think "HHHHH" is a moron... If the pores were, "like 50 times bigger," then condom companies would have no basis for selling their product, because sperm would not be trapped either...
By
Parker, at 12:16 PM
"HHHHH" You're obviously a virgin.. But then again, abstinence is a choice, just don't look down upon those who choose not to remain abstinent.
P.s There's a lot that's great about it kiddo ;)
By
Anonymous, at 12:57 PM
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