Principles of Proctology
1. The Principle of Proctouniversality: there’s a little asshole in all of us.
2. The Principle of Non-Autoproctology, or, No Man His Own Proctologist: you’re not the best person to tell how much of an asshole you are.
2. The Law of Procto-Nonconservation: there’s no limit to how much of an asshole a person can be, nor is there a limit to the number of assholes.
All started, I believe, by a New Yorker cartoon, "The Proctologist's Nightmare". Couple in bed, he's sitting up and clutching the covers, terrified; she's saying soothingly, "don't worry dear, there'll always be assholes."